please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
