R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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