I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now