my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome