his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
