omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
