I seem to have left my pride at pride
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
