This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
