I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
