my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
