they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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