I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
