Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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