just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
