How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
