Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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