i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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