My hair reeks of homosexuality.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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