You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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