i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
