Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
