my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
