i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
