Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
