drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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