saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
