did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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