highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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