Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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