I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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