A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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