Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
