Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
