Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
