I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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