Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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