I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
