Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
