you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
