just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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