He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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