you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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