Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
