That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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