i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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