He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
