he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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