apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
