I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
