Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
