Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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