Capitaan dildo arrescate!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
