you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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