Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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