Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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