Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
