Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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