Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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