I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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