he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
