I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
