How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
