I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
