July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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