It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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