Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
