I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize