she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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