i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
