apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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