I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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