Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
