I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
