chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
