So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
