There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
