Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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