Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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