I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my shit smells like andre
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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