ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
