I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
