So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
