WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
