i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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